My garden of sadness is overgrown
By black dandelions
Blow the seeds
Make a wish
No Don’t
You’re just spreading it around
Stomp on the flowers
Weed my organs
Lungs full
Of black dandelion seeds
Growth
They’re growing
Am I growing?
Am I shrinking?
I feel so small
In my own head
Stop it
Stop thinking
It’s too much
You’re too much
You’re a joke
Can’t you see?
Get on the bus
Pay your fare
Take my heart
Inject it into a syringe
Pump it back
Into my chest
It’s leaking
Through my guts
Everywhere
Shaken
I’m all shaken up
Pools of my heart
Leak into my eyes
I can’t stop crying
Do I look okay?
Tear-stained cheeks
I still feel like I don’t belong
I can’t fit in
My heart is too
Leaky
Solidify it
Freeze it
Mix it in gelatin
For fuck sake
Put it back together
My heart is a gelatin ice cube
Now you know why I’m always cold
No
You could never warm me up
People have tried
Separate me like laundry
Place each part of me
In different coloured baskets
Pour fabric softener
Down my throat
Soften the lumps
I keep choking on
I’m not clean
I can’t get this filth out
From underneath my skin
Peel it back
One giant organ
Peel it back
This doesn’t matter at all
Peel it back
Scrape it off
Take your nails
Dig it out
Scrub my skin
With a wire bristle brush
Run the bathwater
Until its clear
What if that takes all day?
What if it takes my whole life?
Children trapped
In old withered bodies
Encapsulated
By our own mistakes
Stuck in what we thought was home
A mirage of love and affection
Imprisoned by loneliness
Distracting ourselves
From shadows of photographs
Unprotected and lost
In veins riddled with intoxication
I couldn’t protect you
From the words in your ears
The holes in your head
The weight of it all
Sinking you down
Stuck underneath floorboards
Stuck in your mind
Nothing left to lift you up
I wish I could have
Wrapping myself up
In lie after lie
Compiling patchwork quilts
Of all my mistakes
All of the reasons
Why I’m not enough
Everyone is alone
Everyone feels alone
Fuck
I’m alone
Loneliness
Everyone is afraid of
How can you prevent
Loneliness
I feel so fucked up
I can’t get close
To anyone
Tell me I’m okay
Hold me
Squeeze me
Until I feel
My heart beating
In my chest
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Take my breath
Stuff it back into me
Punch my lungs
Cardinal birds
Chirp in my rib cage
“Can we come out?”
Begging
To sing
To spread their wings
I want them out
I feel guilty
For trapping them in
How will they escape?
Out of my lungs?
Pry my rib cage open
Let
Them
Out
Digging fingertips
In my skin
Feel my bones open
I’m afraid
All I will find
Is dead birds
Why waste my time?
I don’t belong
To anyone
With anyone
My heart
Hurts
My legs
Weak
My stomach
Sinking
Deeper
Deeper
Stop.
My head
Full
Of crow feathers
My ears
Stuffed
With tar
Each foot lifted
Like a bag of bones
Each hand shook
Is cold
And dead
Corpses
I’m surrounded
By corpses
I’m mourning
The loss of myself
Along with
Ones walking
Aimlessly around me
Take my hands
Build me up
I sure as hell can’t
Stop.
My head
Humming
My thoughts
Daggers
Stuck in the crevice
Of my brain.
My eyes
Sting
Sour lemon memories
Squeezed
The moon is
Lost
And
So
Am
I
I’m mourning
The loss of the alive things
Obsessing over
The things
That are
Dead.
Mutter to me
I’m normal
Mutter to me
I’m loved
I can’t love
Myself
Pushing back strands
Of salt water hair
Soaked
From the ocean
Snails moving faster
Than my thoughts
Pouring my heart out
Cup your hands
Don’t let
The juices
Seep through
Fingertips
I am dripping
Holes puncturing
My skin
My heart
Sprung a leak
Put it all back
Stop.
Tell me
I’m dreaming
Tell me
I’m nothing more
Then a speck
Stop.
Tell me
I’m 5 again
Replace
My childhood
With someone else’s
I don’t recognize
My own reflection
Lost in the forest
Of my own
God
Damn
Mind
Give me
A
Fucking
Compass
All the landmarks
Seem the same
I cant
Recognize
My way back home.
Stop.
Tell me
I’m more
Than the skin
I’ve been dragging around
Like a wet jacket
Jumping in puddles
Seems like such a good idea
Walk with me?
Somebody?
Walk with me
Make me feel
Like a kid again
Double-dutch my head
Away
From wherever we are
I’ve been here
For years
I don’t recognize
Anything
When hopscotch
Was an escape
Butterscotch
Coated my tongue
Everything
Seemed
Simple.
